Wanted: Bug killer

Warning- this entire post is about killing big, nasty, crunchy bugs. If you choose to continue reading you will probably laugh at my expense, but you can't say I didn't warn ya about the content.

For those of you that know me, you are probably well aware of the fact that I am deathly afraid of roaches. And no, deathly afraid is not an exaggeration. I can handle a lot of things, but not roaches. I can kill spiders, get rid of lizards, even snakes don't quite get me the same way a gross cockroach does. And let me clarify, just in case anyone from up north reads this... I am not talking about the small, not as crunchy things you call roaches. No. I am talking about TEXAS sized, crunch when you kill 'em, could carry a small child on their back, waterbug roaches. I think it would be accurate to say that the ones that terrify me are usually about the length of my thumb. So anyway, the point is, I hate them.

Story time... yesterday I get home to an empty house, walk past the bathroom, and out of the corner of my eye I catch something moving on the bathroom counter that should not be. I take a couple of steps backward down the hall to get a second look and yep, my fears were confirmed- a big nasty one. I should have mentioned earlier that not only am I afraid of them in general, but I am also too scared to kill them. I can't handle the noisy crunch that happens when you smack them, but more than that, it scares me to death when they run towards you (usually when I actually do attempt to kill them, it takes me a few tries, so in the process they end up running toward me). I was immediately so aware and distraught by the fact that I was home alone. At this point I was left with two choices: 1. Pretend like I never saw it, let it go on it's way, and never know when it was going to show up again, or 2. Put on my big girl panties and kill it. Option 1 almost won, but instead, I started grabbing shoes. So here's how the rest of the story goes:

A total of 6 shoes were thrown, 2 of which actually made contact. 1 shoe delivered a debilitating blow so now the thing is moving a little slow and I have a chance to launch the second attack: hairspray. I sprayed the thing with some maximum hold, volume boosting hairspray. It was still on the go so I decided the hairspray wasn't as fast working as I would like, and then out comes the bleach. Yep, I sprayed the roach with bleach. Think of it as multitasking- I was killing a bug and cleaning up almost simultaneously. At this point, it's pretty lethargic and no longer coming at me and I can finally nail it with a shoe. It was down for the count. Whew.

At this point most people would clean the thing up and go on with their day... haha not this girl. I'm not sure which part is worse, the spotting, killing, or disposing of a roach. I tried to clean it up but was literally gagging so much that I thought I was gonna' lose it. I was feeling good about actually succeeding in the kill, so I decided I didn't have to be a hero and take care of all of it- I left the cleanup for dear ole' dad.

The end :)

Now, I would like to apologize to those of you still reading. I just wrote an entire post about roaches. You don't have to tell me how exciting my life is, I am all too aware. All that was basically to say that I need a personal bug killer. Hope the boy that is made for me is a manly, brave bug killer.